half year, half life

here are some things i’ve learned (so far) this year:

1. we must all grow up. we must fend for ourselves, find jobs, keep them, get better at them, hoard enough money to be secure, accept that no one will feed, clothe, and care for us. that your resistance on settling on a viable career path was not in fact, as you incorrectly suspected, blatant evidence of your laziness and ineptitude; but rather a deep and rooted fear of having to swallow and keep down the all-silencing truth that you are alone in this world. to digest this choking pill is to grow old.

2. this is something you knew before but learn it anew with wonder every time: that the exhilarating glory of having in your clenched fist the infinity of love can cease. mysteriously, it does not discourage you from thinking you can grasp it again. how can it cease but continue to exist in some, strange, satisfying metaphysical sense…? magic.

3. you can change yourself if you acknowledge and then work hard to overcome childhood pathologies. but like with any long term, satisfying goal, it must be worked at little by little every day because EVERY DAY COUNTS.