in alexandria there is a saying that only the man who has already committed a crime and repented of it is incapable of that crime; to be free of an erroneous opinion, i myself might add, one must at some time have professed it. JLB, averroes’ search.

instead of reading ancient texts, i just read borges. ch-ch-ch-check it:

i felt, on the last page, that my story was a symbol of the man i had been as i was writing it, and that in order to write that story i had had to be that man, and that in order to be that man i had had to write that story, and so on, ad infinitum.

which is why i proceed to do drugs recreationally and get myself in thick situations. for instance, i took the job from the cfo after nearly 3 weeks of negotiations.  in the last meeting, which i left victorious (11k jump), he looked at me exasperated and asked, “why are you so difficult?”

i don’t think it’ll be so bad, there are like 8 other people in the office and while the cfo acted like an idiot from time to time, we must not forget that first and foremost he is a rich man, and rich men stay rich  because they don’t take zero-gain, high-risk ventures like trying to fuck your underling, which officially, i now am. but also, per ishmael’s (now lawyer) advice, i do not mind him desiring me from afar:

I would avoid discussing the relationship as much as possible.  One clear mention is perfect.  You don’t want him to dislike you; in fact, you want him to lust after you but respectfully.  Such a combination will curry all the favors and posit none of the ills.

aaand, we’ll see how that goes.

am due in LA in november for a wedding of a good friend. before i hit LA though, i’m stopping in hawaii for a vacation with the frenchman. the tickets are paid for, the resort booked so hopefully we will stay together till then. haven’t spoken to the doctor in a few weeks, he is acting like a diva waaay past his prime. and i never got back in touch with that guy from eharmony.

and so the scene is set. we spend most of our weekends at his place in nolita. we sit outside on his roofdeck, read for several hours. he writes in the afternoon, “to practice his english” and occassionally consults me. i slowly pore over hemingway’s biography as i grow dark and probably cancerous under the new york sun, which is different than the LA sun, i don’t know, it’s more smoky. we drink a little in the late afternoon, we watch the wire. we take like 4 showers cause it’s hot and we are sticky. sometimes we have dinner with this other couple, french guy, italian girl and we laugh hesitantly because we’re not sure we all quite understand each other.