half year, half life
here are some things i’ve learned (so far) this year:
1. we must all grow up. we must fend for ourselves, find jobs, keep them, get better at them, hoard enough money to be secure, accept that no one will feed, clothe, and care for us. that your resistance on settling on a viable career path was not in fact, as you incorrectly suspected, blatant evidence of your laziness and ineptitude; but rather a deep and rooted fear of having to swallow and keep down the all-silencing truth that you are alone in this world. to digest this choking pill is to grow old.
2. this is something you knew before but learn it anew with wonder every time: that the exhilarating glory of having in your clenched fist the infinity of love can cease. mysteriously, it does not discourage you from thinking you can grasp it again. how can it cease but continue to exist in some, strange, satisfying metaphysical sense…? magic.
3. you can change yourself if you acknowledge and then work hard to overcome childhood pathologies. but like with any long term, satisfying goal, it must be worked at little by little every day because EVERY DAY COUNTS.
chris.t says:
I have trouble with the idea that I have to grow up.
When we were young, we had all the time in the world to waste away, abuse ourselves and explore. Eventually, there comes a point in our lives where there just isn’t enough hours in a day to achieve what we want. Maybe we come to realize this because our wrinkles remind us of our demise. Where we are in life versus where we want to be. In our youth our potential was so much more because we were indestructible.
To grow up means we have to start caring about the future. And I don’t think Im ready yet.
July 1st, 2010 at 5:49 am
T Nasty says:
Hey. Korea’s overrated. Seeing young hoes dance in a club doesn’t get old but I do.
I have recently inherited the curse of thinking that everything I do is a waste of time. I’ve become my father.
I agree with #3. Real change occurs from within, and not external factors.
July 18th, 2010 at 6:53 am